Sacrifice
by Meva
Summary: Kara muses on her feelings for one Lee Adama. G Rating
1. Chapter 1

**Summary:** Set after S1 + early episodes of S2, Kara muses on her feelings for one Lee Adama 

**Pairing :** Lee/Kara

**Rating :** G

**Word Count :** 1,153

**Feedback:** I appreciate constructive criticism above all else

**Disclaimer:** Battlestar Galactica 2003 is the creation of Glen A. Larson and Ronald Moore. The characters in the story are the property of Glen A. Larson and Ronald Moore. Battlestar Galactica 2003 is copyright of the Sci Fi Channel. Battlestar Galactica is a trademark and copyright of Universal Studios. No copyright infringement intended. No profit is gained by this work.

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**SACRIFICE**

This should feel normal, she's back with the fleet, in the middle of a card game which she's winning like always and she's with the people who know her the best but it doesn't. Nothing feels normal anymore. Not since she got back from Caprica, not since Lee told her that he loved her and not since she has only one tag to her name.

She knows Lee has seen it, she's seen the questions in those blue eyes. The ones she knows he wants to ask but is too scared so he falls back into familiar behaviour, he teases her like she was aten year old and she teases back. Neither one is ready to face one another's demons and neither one wants to risk their relationship.

Right now, they're facing one another down. Lee's got that smug shit eating grin on his face and Kara's got a guarded almost wary expression on her face. Lee only ever looks that way when he's got something going on in that exquisite head of his and Kara isn't sure she's ready for any more surprises. The 'I love you' confession had been enough to shock her out of the slump that her return to the fleet had seemed to push her into.

And sure enough, there's Lee's surprise. His hand of cards and the rewards that the symbols were bound to bring, Kara know she's frakked. She's not really been paying attention to the game and had been relying on natural luck to win the rounds but Lee's managed to surprise her again. Managed to win a game that she should have been able to win with her eyes closed.

Kara knows something's wrong, it's been wrong since she left Caprica and she left Anders behind. Something in her tells her that what she felt and quite possibly still feels is love but then another part reminds her of Lee's smile, the panic her voice had held when he had gone after Boomer and she knows differently. Maybe that's the problem, maybe she's fallen too far and too fast and she can't scramble for air because every time she breaks the surface, he's there pulling her right back under.

He's not even aware of it, that's what gets her the most. He's Lee, that's it, there's no exception and no apologies. He's the infuriating man who has haunted her dreams for much longer than she ever cares to admit, he's the man whose name she called out when Gaius was atop of her. She did it more than once so it can't have been a fluke. Gods know she wishes it had been a fluke, something she could brush off as a slip of tongue but she knows better. In spite of popular belief, Kara Thrace knows herself better than anyone else.

Lee's grinning from ear to ear and people are groaning as the CAG gathers his winnings but then his eyes lock onto hers and she knows he's reading her like an open book. His expression shifts subtly and worry is reflected in the depths of his eyes. Gods damn those eyes. Kara's pretty sure if Lee didn't have eyes like ithat/i, her life would be so much easier and she wouldn't feel the pull towards the brother of her dead fiancé.

She knows it's insane, she knows it would never work, they're too different but then there are times when they aren't all that different after all. Times when Starbuck and Apollo are on the same wavelength, times when she can see the person Lee used to be before Zak's death and before hurt and grief had put a wall between them. Her gaze drops and settles on that mouth, the same one that had touched hers upon her return. It hadn't been the welcome back she had been expecting but then, a lot of things had changed and Lee had changed in some ways and not in other ways.

His eyes are on her, she's always been able to tell when he's looking at her. Some kind of sixth sense when it comes to Lee Adama. First, the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end, Secondly, tingles spread down her arms and last but not at all least, her stomach starts to churn. Kara likes to believe it's a natural reaction to being looked at but she knows it isn't, she knows it's the unique reaction she has whenever Lee looks at her. She drops her eyes down, throws her cards to the table and admits defeat, "Looks like the CAG's got it this round."

"Lucky." Hotdog mutters simply because he's lost the most and he's feeling a little bitter.

Lee smirks and then gives a small laugh. The kind of laugh he uses around people he isn't quite willing to let in. "You're just saying that because you're how many cubits in debt?"

Hotdog mutters the amount under his breath and the table breaks out into laughter as some hear it and they know he's frakked in the terms of cubits. Kara doesn't laugh or she does but not really, she doesn't have it in her. "I think I'm outta here." She murmurs as she feels Lee's eyes on her again and she knows she needs to move before she's tempted to meet and hold that unwavering blue gaze.

She makes it an all of three steps out of the door before a hand is on her arm and it's turning her. And there he is, Lee, looking at her with those damn eyes of his. "You alright?" He asks, voice steady and filled with a strength that's all his own.

Kara offers him her standard issue smile, the one that barely touches her eyes but hides the internal struggle well that's if you don't know her at all. If you do know her, the smile won't suffice and Lee knows her. He steps closer, "Kara?"

If she doesn't leave now, she'll break and she'll give into the emotions that are coursing through her. She'll tell Lee everything he's ever wanted to know about Caprica and she can't do that. She won't let herself because if she doesn't talk about it, it's like it never even happened. "I'm fine." She replies and even before he has time to question it, she's moving and she doesn't hear his footsteps behind her which means he's decided to let this one go.

Kara tries to pretend that it's better this way, it's better that Lee will never know what she thinks or feels, better that he and Dee explore whatever feelings they might have towards one another. She has a promise to keep and even as much as it pains her to let go, she has to. It's the only way, she can't and she won't be involved with another Adama, she barely survived the first.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary:** Set after S1 + early episodes of S2, Lee's side of things and what he decides to do 

**Pairing :** Lee/Kara

**Rating :** G

**Word Count** : 1,089

**Feedback:** I appreciate constructive criticism above all else

**Disclaimer:** Battlestar Galactica 2003 is the creation of Glen A. Larson and Ronald Moore. The characters in the story are the property of Glen A. Larson and Ronald Moore. Battlestar Galactica 2003 is copyright of the Sci Fi Channel. Battlestar Galactica is a trademark and copyright of Universal Studios. No copyright infringement intended. No profit is gained by this work.

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**SACRIFICE**

**Chapter Two**

She thinks he hasn't noticed, thinks he hasn't seen the glances she sends his way and she thinks she's gotten away with it. What that something is, isn't clear to Lee at this time, he knows it bis/b something because Kara isn't meeting his eyes. Lee plays it off, pretends to not notice and continues on as normal because that is what is expected of him.

He's Apollo, Captain Adama, the CAG, Lee isn't in the picture because he'd have to admit to more than a few home truths if he let himself get too involved. Though Lee knows he's lying to himself, he's already involved. Far more involved than he should or probably wants to be. It's too complicated. You'd think that he would get tired of complicated given how everything turned out but seems he isn't.

Lee smirks ever so slightly as he finds his thoughts being taken Kara's way, he really needs to stop that. Partly because it isn't good for him and partly because Dee's talking to him and expecting some kind of response. Even as he mentally berates himself, he can't stop glancing over his shoulder in the direction of Kara who just so happens to be sat by herself.

Kara's an eternal loner, it's been worse since she got back from Caprica, it's almost as if she isn't willing to let anyone close to her. Kara's always reminded Lee of a caged tiger, a beautiful magnificent beast trapped behind bars. An animal that's willing to bite the hand that feeds. You can't tie Starbuck down, she's a power all onto herself and she's a nymph. Playful to the last but not to be trusted, not with your heart at the least. Lee wonders how his brother did it, how Zak Adama kept the ever elusive Kara Thrace to himself and how he managed to put that ring on her finger.

He still remembers when his little brother came to him and told him that he had found the woman for him. Lee had been surprised because Zak had always seemed a little head in the clouds about life and Lee had never considered his brother would be the one to marry before him.

Lee's first impressions of Kara hadn't been very good simply because this was the woman his brother wanted to marry so she had to be good enough as Lee had always been protective of Zak. People say that first impressions are the most important but Lee tends to disagree. He got a new first impression of Kara time after time until they formed a strange bond of friendship and Lee accepted that she was part of the family.

Losing Zak, that had been the hardest thing that any of them had gone through. Kara nearly destroyed herself, she imploded in a way that was both shocking and amazing. Lee's fairly sure he's never see a human being drink so much as he saw Kara drink in a space of hour after the news of Zak's death. Lee knows that there's more to Kara than all the bravado and machoism because for lack of a better word, that's what Kara does whenever she kicks someone's ass at something. That's also gotten worse since she came back from Caprica, almost as if she's trying to prove herself to him, the fleet and especially the old man.

Lee pulls his attention away from dissecting the mystery that is Kara and attempts to focus on what Dee is saying. However the more he listens, the more the words blur into something incomprehensible and Lee doesn't care enough to make sense out of it. Lee hopes he looks interested because he really isn't, he's still too busy thinking about Kara and replaying old events over and over in his head. An unhealthy habit if Lee had ever heard of one but one that seems set on taking him over.

He realises that they haven't really talked since she got back from Caprica. They parted angrily and they never talked about it, he never got the answers he had wanted and needed so desperately. Now that he thinks about it, Lee realises he has even more questions that only Kara can answer. They've fallen into old habits and those aren't getting them anywhere.

He's tired of always getting half truths from Kara. What will it take to get her to tell the whole truth and nothing but it? There's only one thing, direct confrontation. Kara never reacts well when she's backed into a corner, she's lashes out and fights to her last breath but she's also at her most honest and that's what Lee wants.

Lee also needs to ask himself the hard questions, the ones he's been running from for the last few years. The most important one of all has to be : Does he care more for Kara than he should? And if he does, when did it happen? These are the kinds of questions that keep him up at night and give him headaches.

"Lee? Are you even listening to me?" Dee asks as she can't help but notice Lee's faraway expression.

A blink of blue eyes brought Lee back to reality and he now found his focus fixed on Dee. "Sorry, did you say something?"

This response was of course met with the most disgruntled expression he has ever seen cross Dualla's face. "I don't know why I bother." She mutters with a slow shake of her head as she gets up from the table and set out of the mess hall and then back to her post on CIC. Lee grimaces faintly as he knows she's upset with him though it wasn't hard to miss given the expression and her words. He blames Kara because if he hadn't been so fixed on thinking about her, he would have listened to Dee and she wouldn't have gone away upset.

"Frak." Lee mutters into the palms of his hands as his face comes to rest there. He needs to do something about this before it eats him alive, if he can't concentrate on a normal run of the mill conversation with Dee, how the frak is he meant to do his job? With that thought now in his mind, Lee glances over his shoulder and finds that Kara is gone. He shakes his head. "Not this time, Kara." Lee mutters as he gets up from his table and he begins his search for the one woman who can put his mind at rest.


End file.
